Top 5 Hangover Remedies

Hangover remedies are like assholes, everyone’s got one. And while some are stretched and as useless as an appendix, others are fresh and worth giving a try. Recipes for hangovers usually involve Jager or Tequila, hot chicks, huge bar tabs, and puke on your shoes. If you want all the scientific bullshit about what causes hangovers and all the alleged science behind it just Wikipedia it. If you want the marching band in your head, and the alien in your stomach to go away then try these Top 5 Hangover Remedies.

5. Aspirins with whatever you were drinking the night before chaser.
Most people say that after a long night(s) of heavy drinking the only cure is having one more the next morning. Apparently they didn’t realize that after you stumbled into your place (if you were lucky enough to make it in) that you proceeded to throw up the contents of you body including vital organs for about an hour. In reality the last thing you want to taste is bacon cheddar potato wedges and tequila again. But hey if it works for John “Mother Fucking” Mclane then it’s worth giving a try.

4. Gatorade/Pedialyte
Experts, and by experts I mean alcoholics, say that in order to ease that queasy stomach of yours you need a little Gatorade or Pedialyte in you. Since both of these products contain electrolytes, they’ll hydrate you faster and get you on the fast track to shotguning High Life like a champ again.

3. Menudo
If you follow that trail of Bud Light cans long enough, it will eventually lead you to a Chevy and a hot pink house. Knock on the door and ask the guy inside what he does when he’s “Crudo” and he’ll give you a nice steaming bowl of the shit that’s left in the kitchen sink after your done washing dishes. These are the parts of the animal that they don’t even want. But menudo has cured more Corona hang overs than women who have claimed to have slept with Ricky Martin. So close your eyes, pinch your nose, eat up and before you know it you’ll be back to drinking those ever premium Bud Lights out the bed of you Chevy while spinnin that Chalino CD your compa gave you.

2. A Dooby Snack, J-Bird, Butter Rum…or whatever new slang kids use for weed
What do B Real and Willy Nelson have in common? WEED son! We all know weed cures every ailment known to man, even the meanest of hangovers. Score yourself a sack and some greasy food to soak up all that alcohol and you’re set. You’ll be watching Scooby do in your Rasta hat in no time. So for all of you who don’t already wake and bake this is even more proof that you should!

1. Bloody Mary
There are different versions of the Bloody Mary. You have your classic Vodka and V8 recipe and the bastard offshoot of a beer of choice (normally Bud or Corona) and V8. Both are said to settle your stomach and depending on the amount of sleep, and keep that buzz going. Then again Bloody Mary’s remind me of that old joke. What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?... yeah I think you guys get the jest of it.

So next time your at the bar and people start doing body shots remember these full proof remedies. Let’s all raise our glasses and in the words of Homer Simpson “To alcohol the cause of, and solution to…all of life’s problems” Cheers.