Top 5 Funeral Songs

A man’s legacy is remembered upon his death. When a real man dies (either by a sweet Fonzyesque motorcycle stunt, or while giving it to a hot stripper when suddenly you’re pace maker gives out) the songs played at his funeral will determine what kind of man he really was. So without further adu here are the TOP 5 songs I want playing at your funeral.

5. When The Music’s Over- The Doors
To quote the Native American prophet Jim Morrison, “When the music’s over turn out the lights.” The 30 some odd second organ solo accompanied by a fuzzed out guitar in the beginning of the song makes this an ideal song for a family in mourning. The only other organ based song that could ever suffice would be In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly. But then again your family just had to sit though your shitty funeral and there’s drinkin to be done, so keep it short and sweet.

4. The Notirious B.I.G.- Suicidal Thoughts
“When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell” When Big spits that first line after having to listen to Puffy commit some of the worse fucking voice acting known to man, it catches you off guard, and like a crash of lighting you realize…That’s one bad mother fucker! And for that alone Big makes the list.

3. You Can’t Always Get What You Want- The Rolling Stones
That line has never rang more true than the day you die. How many dudes would have loved to ATM some hot chick but didn’t have enough money? How many of you would have liked to nail twins…Cough….*Olsens*…Cough…Exactly. Life is full of disappointments. Case and point, look at Elvis. I’m sure the king never thought he’d die on the shitter, but then again I don’t think we ever though he’d live that long. Either way live it up like the king did and you just might find…you get what you need.

Runnin’ With The Devil- Van Halen
It seems to me so far that all the cool people are down with Satan. First you had Biggie and now you have Diamond Dave, come on! For all of you who have ever jumped on your couch and air shreaded to panama then told the world to smell your junk…then you’re runnin with the devil too! Count me in Diamond Dave, hopefully Satan has the power to get rid of those bitch tits you’ve developed and put some of that hair on your back, on your head.

1. Stairway To Heaven- Led Zeppelin
Ok so this one is typical and it’s pretty fucking cheesy, but its here for a reason. For all of you who have ever seen The Song Remains The Same you know two things. 1. Robert Plant should wear pants that don’t show his man camel toe for two fucking hours and 2. As soon as Jimmy Page pulls out the double necked Gibson that “Shit Just Got Real” (Thanks Martin). I don’t think anyone has ever know what the fuck this song is about but it’s Zep at their best, and it will surely bring the house down. It’s pretty much guaranteed someone is gonna get drunk and start shouting “Woo” while holding out a lighter right next to someone that’s crying.

Those my friends are the Top 5 songs that should be played at your funeral. Don’t get my wrong there are an assload of proper funeral songs. Some honorable mentions would have been the obvious Knockin On Heaven’s Door by the now batshit crazy Bob Dylan and of course Freebird by Lynard Skynard. For all of you metal fans Pantera’s Cemetery Gates (The live version) would have been pretty sweet, but alas we only have a Top 5 list.